Embracing Individuality: Navigating Social Pressures in a New Environment

"Maybe you should change," Sage gently suggested as the melanin-skinned girl entered the living room.

"I'm completely comfortable, and I want to be able to curl up while watching the movie," she stated confidently, despite the confusion emanating from the taller Asian girl's tone.

"That's fine, but you seem a bit underdressed. If you're okay with looking like a 13-year-old heading to a sleepover, that's your choice," Sage said, making Briar feel even more self-conscious than usual and adding a heavy weight to her shoulders.

Living with her roommates was enjoyable and stressful for Briar, highlighting her uneasiness about not meeting their standards. Transitioning from a small town, she lived with more stylish young women for the first time, unlike her high school friends, who enjoyed activities like horseback riding and rollerblading to local shops. Her new roommates seemed to prioritize appearance and socializing with boys over everything.

Just thinking about boys made her feel like a social failure. There were cute guys in high school, but most were childhood friends. College males, on the other hand, hailed from all over the country and were highly gorgeous. They never really noticed her, as Sage was usually the center of attention.

When Sage's guests arrived, Briar subtly picked up on the cue and left the room to change. Moments later, she returned to the bustling living room, having swiftly changed into a pair of comfortable, well-worn jeans and an oversized graphic t-shirt. Sage prepared a batch of guacamole in the kitchen while Lavender skillfully assembled a tray of loaded nachos.

"Do you need a hand with anything?" she asked, scanning the fresh faces in the cozy apartment.

"No I think we got this," answered Lavender. "Go and welcome our guests."

The cozy but cramped apartment felt stifling as all the guests squeezed in. The tired couch sagged under the weight of the energetic young bodies. Briar quickly navigated to the window and forcefully pulled it open. As she took a deep breath of the crisp fall air, she glanced back to see if anyone had caught sight of her brief moment of unease, but it seemed that no one had.

The movie began as the girls flirted with the guys, and people giggled, but nobody seemed to pay attention. The audience chitchatted throughout the entire Marvel film, making it difficult to follow the plot. Despite giving several people disapproving looks, she couldn't get them to focus long enough to comprehend the story. Instead of a movie night, it felt more like a competition for who could make out the longest. She felt like an outsider, struggling to find her place in this unfamiliar social setting.

As she sought out Lavender, Briar found herself hoping for a familiar face, only to discover her roommate deep in conversation with a boy from apartment 7C. The dark-skinned girl knew that since they had gone to Cancun with those guys. Despite their shared history, Briar had not maintained much contact with these boys following the trip. They also needed to make an effort to acknowledge her presence.

Looking around the room, she noticed no one else dressed like her. Although her oversized T-shirt was very comfortable, it did not match what the other girls wore. Her jeans were slightly too big to be considered sexy or stylish. Her body did not look like theirs. As a young black girl, she was taught to be more covered up when around boys. Her roommates were slim, but she was somewhat curvy. She took extra care not to appear too sexy while they let their bodies all out on display.

"You don't want the wrong attention from boys," her dad would say.

The next day, she bravely sought out her roommate for social guidance.

"Sage, why was no one watching the movie last night?" The ebony skin girl asked while sitting at the breakfast table.

"I'm completely worn out," Sage complained, holding the coffee mug tightly. "I don't think I'll be throwing any more post-work parties on Fridays." She let out a sigh as she took her first sip. "The movie was just background noise while everyone was hanging out and chatting."

"I thought it was a movie night; we should have watched more of the movie if it had been a movie night, " the younger girl said sheepishly.

"Bri, you are so innocent. It was a movie night, but not. All the people who couldn't afford to bring their dates to the movies came here. So less of a movie night, more of a date night."

"But I didn't have a date." Now, she was grumbling like a moody child.

"There were no assigned dates. If you thought a guy in the room was cute, you can flirt with him or vice-versa."

Next time, please let me know if it's a date and not just a movie night. I was really excited about watching that movie, but all the people talking ruined it.

She knew she sounded childish but couldn't help feeling out of place. She didn't look like anybody else, and the other girls were all dressed up. None of the guys even looked at her. Maybe she was the problem. Perhaps she had to change. This internal struggle tore her apart, making her question her identity and place in this new social circle.

The pressure to conform to a group can be difficult to resist in various social settings, particularly for young adults and professionals. Recognizing the innate need to belong and be accepted by peers is essential. Ultimately, one has to determine the extent to which they are willing to adapt to fit in. However, if these adjustments conflict with one's true self or principles, it's essential to establish boundaries.

Briar put in a lot of effort for the next hangout night. She wore her tightest jeans and cutest crop top, even making the crop top herself from an old tee since she didn't own one. Lavender and Sage teased her, calling her "Little Bri Baby" all week because Briar wanted to watch the movie in her pyjamas and bunny slippers. After applying some perfume, she felt like something was missing, so she applied cocoa butter lotion to her skin, giving her a radiant glow. She gave herself a final smirk in the mirror before leaving her room.

All the guys gaped at her as she entered the small living room. It was the first time they had looked at her with more than just friendship in their eyes, and she felt overwhelmed by the attention. When she finally caught her breath and looked around, the basketball team captain approached her. "Breathe, Bri, breathe," she reminded herself, trying to act natural. However, she felt uncomfortable in her tight jeans, which she hadn't worn since high school.

"This isn't happening," the voice in her head said as the basketball player talked to her. She had no idea what he was saying and just nodded along. As he leaned in closer, she started to feel alarmed and backed away.

While backing away, another guy caught her attention. "Are you new at the school?" he asked with dreamy hazel eyes.

Each time she tried to escape one guy, she found herself surrounded by another. She noticed the other girls were looking at her strangely.

The next day, Sage knocked quietly on her bedroom door.

"Hey, can we chat for a second?" she asked.

"Of course," Briar replied, getting ready for work. "I have a few minutes."

"About last night, it seemed like you were trying too hard to look sexy, and the other girls didn't appreciate it. It made the night awkward for everyone else."

"But you're the one who said I should look more like a college student and less like a high school kid. I thought I looked great, and the guys thought so too."

"Yeah, but everyone was there to hang out with you and the guys. It made the other girls uncomfortable."

"I don't understand. I'm just trying to fit in. It's confusing. It feels like what I'm doing is wrong, even though you told me to do it. It seems like you're jealous." Briar needed to understand where Sage was coming from, but she was on a roll. "If your friends have a problem with me, then I guess I won't come to your parties anymore."

"Bri, what's gotten into you?" Sage asked, surprised.

"I have to go to work," Briar said, storming out of the apartment, feeling angry.

At work, she felt terrible for her confrontation with Sage. She didn't understand why she had reacted so strongly. She had made much effort to fit in with her friends and was now upset with them.

"But are you really upset with them?" the voice in her head whispered.

Cultivating self-confidence is critical to nurturing self-esteem. Embracing and feeling confident in your identity will empower you to stay true to yourself and avoid sacrificing who you are.

Sage was right; she had tried to be the center of attention. What would her father say if he saw how she was dressed at the party? And her mother, what would she think of her compromising her appearance to please others?

She would have said, "The beauty standards are unfair. But it would help if you stayed true to yourself. Never change your look to fit in. Be a leader and set your own standards of beauty."

A single tear fell from her eye as she thought about her mother. She always missed her, but now more than ever, she wished she was still with her.

Over 86% of young adults aged 18 to 34 admit feeling dissatisfied with their bodies when they look in the mirror. Women trying on bathing suits, shopping for clothes, or trying on old clothes that no longer fit often compare themselves to others.

Returning to the apartment, Sage and Lavender were busy meal prepping.

"Can we talk, guys?" Briar asked, hesitant about what she would say but needing to express her feelings.

She confided that she was troubled by her actions with Sage but was reluctant to change her personality to conform. Her friends reassured her that they never meant to make her feel uneasy or insufficient. Briar expressed her need for supportive friends who valued her for who she was. She disliked feeling judged and inadequate for not meeting their fashion standards.

• Understanding Individuality

• Recognizing Social Pressures

• Building Confidence

• Cultivating Supportive Relationships

• Setting Clear Boundaries

• Practicing Self-Compassion

• Engaging in Continuous Learning

Briar showed up at the next gathering wearing leggings and an oversized hoodie. She had established clear boundaries with her roommates, and this outfit was the compromise she had settled on. Seeing the other girls wishing they had done the same was striking. Briar now took pride in embracing her individuality. She felt comfortable by staying true to her style and recognizing her values. She realized that changing her appearance didn't make her feel at ease in the college social circle and that her roommates cared more about her than her appearance.

As for boys, that's a story for next time.

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